


nine words.

by hellosterfry



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Actually I'm Not Sorry, Angst, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV First Person, Rejection, Self-Hatred, it's not happy in any way, slightly OOC, sorry - Freeform, that's it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:11:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellosterfry/pseuds/hellosterfry
Summary: i still remember the day i fucked everything up with my best friend.





	nine words.

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: STERLING WRITES MORE SAD SHIT BECAUSE HE'S A SAD SHIT AND VENTS THROUGH JEREMY HEERE

I still remember the day I fucked everything up with my best friend.

I didn’t mean to ruin it. I didn’t mean to feel this way. I didn’t mean to be such a shit friend and accidentally fall for him. I just thought that we could be something more than just best friends, finally be able to express my feelings for him without an issue.

But that wasn’t an option.

“Michael, can I ask you something?” I hummed, trying to make sure I was heard over the flourish of students in the cafeteria. Even though we sat right beside each other on the floor, we still had to speak kind of loudly.

“Sure, what’s up?” Michael asked over a mouthful of sushi, and _fuck_ why did he have to always look so interested when he looked at me? Why did those pretty brown eyes always have to light up like that for me?

“I, uh, I don’t know how to ask this, so I’m just gonna. Say it. Yeah,” I coughed. “I want to go on a date with you.”

Those nine words ruined my relationship with my best friend of twelve years, crush of five.

Michael choked on his sushi, which should’ve been my first warning. “Are you asking me out?” he quirked a brow. That interested look began to fade, and I felt my heart sink.

“Yes..?” I slowly affirmed and clasped my hands in my lap. Did I think he was  going to say yes at that moment? Oh, absolutely.

However, when he began to pack his lunchbox, I knew my dreams were getting crushed. “No, Jeremy,” he frowned. His tone was angry, why was it so angry? I did something wrong, I shouldn’t’ve asked. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

“Wait, Michael, I’m sorry-“ I started, but was cut off.

“Yeah. Sure,” he _spat_. _Never_ had he spoken like that to me before. “Don’t talk to me.” And with that, he was finding a lunch table.

There I sat, in shock, as I watched my best friend sit down at Jake Dillinger’s table. Jake Dillinger, the actual embodiment of cool, the biggest heartthrob in the area. And as I saw everyone welcome him with smiles and happiness, I felt my heart break.

He never talked to me after that day. March fifteenth, 2016. I don’t try to text him, he only leaves me on read and never replies. I can’t bring myself to approach him, this is my fault. If I hadn’t opened my stupid big mouth, I’d still have a friend. But I just had to screw _that_ up for myself.

It’s May twenty-third now, a year after I lost him because of my own stupid mistake. I’m in AP Lit, I’ve always been good at English. Unfortunately, so had he, because he’s in the same class right now. I try to steal a glance at him from across the room. He happens to look my way and catch me staring, only to return my gaze with a hard glare and turn back to face the front. Stupid. He wouldn’t have reacted this way if I didn’t ruin everything.

Sometimes I wonder what it would like to date him. He has a girlfriend now (at least I think, they're always together), a pretty blonde named Brooke Lohst. She’s really nice to me, but I don’t really talk to her much. Sometimes I wonder what it would like to be her. What it would feel like to hold his hand. To hug him in more than a no-homo way. To kiss him. To fall asleep cuddled up to him, legs tangled together, and not have to whisper those two words I hated having to use for him. To feel his body pressed against mine and gasp through the thick air as he kissed my neck and whispered how nice I sounded, how good I felt, how much he loved me.

But most of all, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to finally be his friend again. To finally have _a_ friend in the world. But then I remember that one important detail.

No one wants to be friends with a loser.

**Author's Note:**

> just to clarify no michael's not straight he's not dating brooke  
> lov me some angst what about y'all   
> my quotev is mrmlstyeyed if you want to cry about jeremy and michael and jake


End file.
